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Divorce... WTF?!?!

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Whaddapie

Whaddapie

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Moderator
Any advice out there..?

Does life ever feel 'normal' again? What did those of you who have gone through it do to simply get through it? 'Cos I'm really struggling and it's getting harder, not fucking easier.

We just told the girls yesterday. Quite simply, the single worst day of my life. Never felt such a horrible cocktail of emotions, watching my eldest little one cry her eyes out while trying to understand that Momma's not coming home. Never, ever. And asking me why...

Fucking agony.

Sorry - Needed to vent.
 
Can't offer any advice myself mate apart from wishing you luck and strength to get through this.

Good luck.

I'm sure some good advice will follow on this thread from a few who have been through it.
 
Because I'm going through a similar experience at the moment, the only piece of advice I feel qualified to give is; maintain your dignity and consistency in front of the kids. They will be going through all kinds of things in their head that can helped or hindered by your demeanour.

I can only imagine how tough you're finding it, but for your kids, you need to be strong and find the necessary positive support network for you and your kids. It may seem bleak now, but life will improve, and you may find that indeed it gets richer.

My relationship with my kids has improved so much in spite of mine and my wife's issues. Good luck sounds empty but I think you know what I mean.
 
Oh and telling my 3 yr old daughter that Daddy wouldn't be living there anymore was the hardest and one of the most traumatic things I've ever experienced, so I feel your pain on the telling the kids front.
 
I can't help in any way...
Apart from to say my heart goes out to you and your kids....
 
[quote author=Dahuge link=topic=46147.msg1366655#msg1366655 date=1310984750]
I can't help in any way...
Apart from to say my heart goes out to you and your kids....
[/quote]

x2

Jon says what needs to be said ...
 
Sorry to hear your troubles mate.

Can't give advice from your direction, but having been on the receiving end when I was 5/6 I can only reiterate what John's said - maintain your dignity and try to avoid any bitter recriminations and badmouthing each other. My Mum used to slag off my old man something rotten at first, which initially damaged my relationship withhom, and then later with her.

However - things can get better. In the early days we'd have to be ready and waiting on the doorstep cos "I don't want your father coming in the house!" Before my Mum emigrated to Oz we'd have Christmas dinner with everyone - Mum, Dad, Stepdad - and it wasn't awkward or unpleasant, it was nice.

Time doesn't change, but it can heal . . .

Good luck
 
No advice to give mate but like the others I wish you all the best and hope that coming out the other side is shorter and less painful than you fear.
Feel free to vent on these boards any time you like
YNWA
 
Sorry to hear about this Whaddapie. It must be horrible. A friend of mine with young kids went through a bad divorce recently so I have a tiny clue what you must be feeling. I just advise you to reach out to your friends, the good ones will be there to help you, even if it's just to listen.
 
Nothing to add mate but sympathy. I am previously divorced but not with kids involved so I was able to concentrate solely on the hatred aspect.

Even reading that about your kids' reactions was tough, Christ knows what it must be like to deliver the news.

Chin up, all the best. Same to Spion.
 
My folks divorced when I was in my teens. My mother acted like a proper cunt at the time and my Da didn't. 12/13 years on and I have maintained a relationship with them both but I would have far more respect for my Da. He has also since remarried a much younger woman and has moved into a lovely house with her. My Ma is still in the same place my Da left her, you reap what you sow I s'pose.


In my experience, the women will use the kids as leverage. I know you once loved her and you probably still do but do not be surprised at the levels of cunning and evilness that she can possess. This is all coming from my own bitter experience and your case may be totally different but I'd be steeled for the worst if I was you.
 
Good luck mate, YNWA and the lyrics within seem more than apt here.

Thoughts are with you and your kids, mate.
 
Sorry to hear about this Whad but try to put things into perspective............a very good friend of mine is in the last days of her life, she has terminal cancer. I went to see her everyday last week and each day she was crying and telling me she doesn't want to die - it's horrible because it's impossible to comfort someone in this situation.

She has a husband, 3 siblings and 2 teenage kids, who she will never see graduate. marry, have kids etc.

If you and your kids have your health then anything is possible and who knows what might happen over the next year, 5 years, 10 years - you could have some incredible times.

It might seem odd to say when you're going through a tough time but - count your blessings and remember there's always someone worse off than yourself.

Good luck and don't doubt for a minute that things will improve given time.
 
[quote author=gene hughes link=topic=46147.msg1366719#msg1366719 date=1310991549]
Sorry to hear about this Whaddapie. It must be horrible. A friend of mine with young kids went through a bad divorce recently so I have a tiny clue what you must be feeling. I just advise you to reach out to your friends, the good ones will be there to help you, even if it's just to listen.
[/quote]

My brother is going through a very acrimonious divorce. Her and vicious father are trying to break him emotionally and financially which is shocking because neither of them are considering the effect this will have on the kids. My brother on the other hand is doing every possible to ensure the kids get a consistent message.

What's most annoying are the out and out lies she is telling to her solicitor in order to gain one upmanship. She doesn't want him and he doesn't want her, just get a divorce and split things. She gets him to agree to one thing and then last minute changes things especially around access and where he picks the kids up from. Its heartbreaking to see and whilst my bro is no saint, I have no idea how he has kept his cool throughout.
 
This has been a very hard thread to read,Dallas. It looks like I'm heading down the same path and its like a train wreck I know is coming but don't know how to avoid. I hope we both find the peace we're looking for.
Your PM at one of my darkest days helped a lot and I hope I can do the same for you.

Hang in there D,we'll get through.
 
Im sorry to hear that man. I really hope it works out for you and your kids.
 
[quote author=singlerider link=topic=46147.msg1366790#msg1366790 date=1310996979]
Hell hath no fury . . .
[/quote]

Oh yes. I can almost hear Anne Robinson now..."you will leave with nothing"
 
I know exactly where you are at Derek...... I am expecting my decree nisi anytime now. You will be wiping tears from your face for some time to come, the thought of the impact on the kids would break any man. The advice from Spion is top dollar, keep your dignity and do exactly what us expected of you regards the kids. You must try at all costs to maintain some kind of decent communication with the ex, however much she hurts you. And expect lots of use of the kids as a weapon, tool, and stick to beat you with. That is what women do as they will use anything to score points. Keep your friends and family close as you will need lots of shoulders, you will find out who your true friends are though. I have lost contact with several close friends as they are clearly told they can't be my mate anymore by their wives, who are my exes friends.
Oh and get laid, make yourself smile, and never forget things will get better, you can be happy again. Be strong mate x
 
[quote author=Loch Ness Monster link=topic=46147.msg1366841#msg1366841 date=1311004792]
I have lost contact with several close friends as they are clearly told they can't be my mate anymore by their wives, who are my exes friends.
[/quote]

They were never your friends.
 
All the best mate at getting out of this ;) as for your brother his ex she seems a horrible peice of work and i wish him all the best..
 
I really appreciate the many kind words being said. I just don't know if its as simple as moving on.

I gave up my career for 2.5 years because of this trip to Britain.I cldnt get a fulltime job for 18 mths since Dec 2008 since we'd planned to leave for Blighty in June 2009,then that became November, then March 2010 until finally we arrived in July. Then I found myself unemployable for a year.

Now I'm home,38,broke and scrabbling for jobs and trying to impress hiring managers who're my junior in working years. I'm still in our little apartment filled with so many happy memories,but now haunt me. Why did thinhs go wrong? What cld I have done better? And worst of all, can I save this? That's the hardest.

Will move out once I get a job, I guess.

Things could be worse, but I understand now why so many people in heartbreak end their lives. Just hurts too much to go on.

I won't of course, I can still rebuild. But I understand people better now,and why they do things.

To be honest,one of the main reasons I haven't done anything I might regret (to add to the countless ones I have) is the belief in 19. Wish hed stop buying central fucking midfielders tho.
 
Avvy, I did not want to read between the lines regarding your missus. Sorry that it is rough now. But the two of you actually can pull it together again if both of you still want to try. Tough for now since both of you are apart. Hang in there to whatever feelings both of you still have for each other. Whatever the situations are, they can be overcome. All you need to do is to want it. That is the first step. PM me if you need help as I have friends in KL who can help.

Regarding your job situation. It is tough working for your juniors. Have you thought of starting on your own? I did. Might work out for the long run. Tough for beginning.
 
Good to see the support and advice being dished out; fair play to our fellow SCMers. I have none, and can only imagine how tough it must be.

The very best of luck to you.
 
This thread has made me sad. As a father, I cannot even begin to comprehend how excruciating it must be to have to tell your kids you're not going to be around every day.

Having never been through this, I can't offer any advice except stay strong, and as someone earlier said, you are at a nadir.

Things will get better.
 
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