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20 footballers Hollywood shld have chosen to play badasses ahead of Vinnie Jones

Discussion in 'The Football Forum' started by madmax, Mar 18, 2008.

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  1. madmax

    madmax Active Member

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    Some very poor choices here. No Diop? How can that be? Who do you think is capable of being a bigger badass than Vinnie Jones?

    A very verbose copy paste job below. Goto the below link for a easier read.

    #20. Carsten Jancker

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Evil German terrorist henchman, evil Nazi henchman, basically anything to do with being German and looking hard. Also, maybe an ogre. If you're cursed to be born with a surname that rhymes with "wanker" then you'd better look ridiculously hard if you don't want to be called on it every day of your life. Thankfully for Carsten, he looks like someone who got thrown out of the military for being too intimidatin

    #19. Anderson

    [​IMG]


    Too much stuff he could do in Hollywood. Mainly involving shooting shit, a lot. Then eventually being apprehended by some wise cracking twat. For the moment the only wise cracking twat he has to deal with is Rio Ferdinand. I would start thinking about the movies.

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Post apocalyptic gangster, hipster vampire, super villain, that dude from the Da Vince code. There's something inherently cool, yet sinister about young people with grey hair. It's not like any real acting is required either, I mean the guy is called the white feather. He both looks and sounds like a comic book villain already, albeit not a very tough one on the ears. Just wait until the super hero actually ran into him, though.

    #17. Eric Cantona

    No Pic needed for this cunt.

    Potential roles - Anything that requires an actor who is snooty, French and villainous, which in Hollywood is a regular occurrence.

    #16. Alexi Lalas

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Barbarian, Gladiator nemesis, someone Mel Gibson would get to kill in something.

    #15. Nobby Stiles

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - A sadistic redcoat, hooligan, beating up Halle Berry.

    The problem with Vinnie Jones and gritty Hollywood villains in general is that they're too manicured. Real gritty people who would put a glass through your face because you don't have a lighter when they ask you for one do not have perfect teeth and olive skin. (Vinnie Jones. manicured?)

    #14. Ferenc Puskas

    [​IMG]

    He looks like a nice guy actually.

    #13. Eduardo Da Silva

    Seriously?

    Potential roles - Something in a movie about a giant Prince destroying New York would work I guess, also any 70's drug lord.

    I will grant you that Eduardo did not look too badass lying on the floor screaming in pain with his foot hanging off the other week. You have to cut the guy some slack though, his fucking foot was hanging off! Shit like that would make Steven Seagal wince.

    The point with Eduardo is that he's gone through life looking like a giant version of Prince and noone has been able to give him enough shit for it for him to want to change his image. The only possible explanations for this is that he's either that much of a badass that noone dares mention it to him, or that he's got thicker skin than Godzilla. Either way it's pretty badass, especially in a Croatia team where everyone else looks pretty sensible (apart from Vedran Corluka, obviously) and then there is a giant version of Prince strutting around upfront.

    #12. Gennaro Gattuso

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Any number of angry unkempt people, spaghetti westerns, maybe could even stretch to playing a loveable rogue.

    #11. Tomas Gravesen

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Anything in a fantasy flick, corrupt yet hard as nails cop, pirate, biker, random guy who appears for the sole purpose of beating the shit out of someone.

    #10. Frank Worthington

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Anything that requires someone sleazy yet deadly. Bond villains, Guy Ritchie gang bosses, Costa Del Sol crime films, whatever. I always thought Sami Hyypia would be a perfect clinical Bond Villain.


    #9. Paul Breitner

    [​IMG]

    Seriously, just look at him.

    #8. Graeme Souness

    [​IMG]


    Potential roles - Begbie from Trainspotting.

    Shaving off the 'stache and getting a sensible haircut was probably the worst career move Souness ever made. As it transpired he went to try and sort out Newcastle's dressing room full of utter nobheads looking like an quite stern geography teacher. As I could have told him before he committed career suicide, it didn't work out.

    #7. Trifon Ivanov

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Okay, so this one doesn't really stretch much beyond werewolves, but still...

    #6. Stig Tofting

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Beating people up in horror films, beating people up in drama films, beating people up in comedies, beating people up in films where it's totally unrelated to the plot just for the sheer hell of it.

    If most people saw Stig Tofting, they would expect to get beaten up. That's for a good reason because there's a good chance you would get beaten up. Stig is a legit member of Hell's Angels and has been convicted for brutally assaulting a cafe owner, see. The really disturbing thing about it is that he's a seriously dangerous man and I still think his look is worse than his bite
     
  2. Sheik Yerbouti

    Sheik Yerbouti Guest

    Edmundo. Now he's a proper loon.
     
  3. madmax

    madmax Active Member

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    Re: 20 footballers Hollywood shld have chosen to play badasses ahead of Vinnie J

    #5. Giuseppe Bergomi

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Lots and lots of mafia films. Maybe the odd threatening guy in a rom-com.

    Is there anything about Bergomi that suggests he doesn't kill people for a living? Well, apart from the fact that he played football for a living, anyway? It would hardly shock me if he took mafia contracts on as a recreational activity, just because hacking at Marco Van Basten didn't fully satisfy his blood lust. There's just no way I'd answer the door to Bergomi, whatever he was saying. Even if I hadn't eaten for a week and he was claiming only to be there to offer me a sandwich that door would stay closed. Ultimately, I'd realise that there's no way opening the door doesn't eventually lead to my head being in a vice. Screw it, I'd rather just starve, it's probably less painful than what it looks like he'd do to me.

    His film manifesto would be hugely impressive. He'd be the most intimidating mafia guy ever. Joe Pesci wouldn't throw wise cracks at the guy, if he wouldn't, everyone else had better be cowering in fear.

    #4. Carlos Valderrama

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Drug lord, evil pimp

    You know when you're playing any computer game that allows you to create a character? If yes, chances are you'll know that you inevitably end up making the craziest looking dude ever. You'll give him crazy facial hair, an even crazier hair style and sit back and think "Man, that guy is a fucking bad ass motherfucker". Yeah? Well if you don't do that and just try to make someone that looks like you then I can't really relate to that. Assuming you do then you should be hitting the realisation right about now that Carlos Valderrama is that guy you create in those games. Except he's a fucking real life actual person.


    #3. Edgar Davids

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Bounty hunter, amazon terrorist, THE FUCKING PREDATOR!!

    I don't think i was ever scared of Davids, scared of his shades may be.

    #2. Lev Yashin

    [​IMG]

    Potential roles - Anything that involves stern looks and lots of pain. This guy could have worked for years.

    I am fairly sure that all current issues of bottle when taking penalties can be traced back to Lev Yashin. Someone must have won a penalty, thought "put the ball in the net from 12 yards eh? Piece of piss, want me to work a somersault in there?" and then seen Yashin.

    #1. Motherfucking Socrates

    [​IMG]

    I don't think Socrates name ever really officially came with a "motherfucking" prefix and it actually probably makes him less awesome rather than more awesome, as it no doubt would with every other human being. I mean just look at the guy. He played football dressed like that. He was also a doctor, so it's worth noting that he was also tending to patients while looking that awesome. I mean really, the 1982 Brazil team was cool enough without him in. With him in it, it pushes them into another stratosphere of cool. So much so that you'd need to invent a new word for it. I'd try, but inventing a word to sum up how badass Socrates is would be a task far beyond my limitations. You'd need hordes of scientists and linguistic experts to even attempt something like that.

    In films he could play whoever he wanted. It'd be believable, he's Socrates. If he wants to join the US army for a Vietnam movie do you think they'd bother telling him that he's not American and that he needs to cut his hair? Of course they wouldn't, it looks like he'd kill an absolute shitload of Viet-cong. Noone has ever turned down Socrates for anything. Fact
     
  4. madmax

    madmax Active Member

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    Here is the actual linky

    http://jogaerro.blogspot.com/

    Credit to whoever wrote it. But i don't agree with almost all of that list.

    Mine will have Diop in it for sure. His eyes give me nightmares.
     
  5. MC Golgotha

    MC Golgotha Very Active Member

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    [quote author=Sheik Yerbouti link=topic=21715.msg518809#msg518809 date=1205862505]
    Edmundo. Now he's a proper loon.
    [/quote]

    Exactly who I thought of.

    And Temuri Ketsbaia.
     
  6. madmax

    madmax Active Member

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    Pictures people.....this is a picture kind of thread.
     
  7. madmax

    madmax Active Member

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    Re: 20 footballers Hollywood shld have chosen to play badasses ahead of Vinnie J

    Frank Ribery scares the Shit out of me as well

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Roger REDerer

    Roger REDerer Active Member

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    Haha....only 2 posters replied.

    Awww
     
  9. R19S61

    R19S61 Guest

    carlos tevez

    [img width=430 height=600]http://www.heathrowcelebs.com/USERIMAGES/SBS2CarlosTevez%20copy.jpg[/img]

    as dracula or something
     
  10. cochyn

    cochyn Very Active Member

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    Re: 20 footballers Hollywood shld have chosen to play badasses ahead of Vinnie J

    [​IMG]

    Go to be Magnum PI
     
  11. Dave

    Dave Very Active Member

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    Lescott as the Elephant man.
     
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