Shameless title stealing aside, I'm onto something here here...
We have managed to reincarnate Roy Evans!
It's a throwback to the good ole days of 3-5-2, shite signings, lazy marauds forward, and then getting totally dicked at the back. Heck we even had one quasi tilt at the title to reminisce about. All we need now is some wanky league cup run to get all Wembley about.
Rodgers and Evans even look alike. There's something English-teacher-meets-paedo about both of them too. Must be all the limp-wristed football, and far too clean hair they've got going on.
So in goal, we've got two fucking rubbish keepers mixing it out. The 1995 David James and Brad Friedel are countered by the 2014 Mignolet and Jones. Not one of the cunt's you'd pick for your 5-a-side team.
At centre back, we've replaced the chest-out, all teeth and slide tackling Neil Ruddock with the 2014 Martin Skrtel. Vicious slide tackles at Centre Back are the new black. Bobby Moore had no fucking clue what he was doing.
At right CB, we’ve got the somewhat reliable John Scales replaced with the somewhat reliable Kolo Toure. But it’s at left centre back that we get to relive the real face/off. The abominable Phil Babb wandering around dishing up buffet balls (come and have a go dear striker) to anyone whatsoever has ably been replaced by Dejan Lovren. Good old Dejan, I’d prefer to have Dreamy over for Christmas dinner than watch that abortion continue at left centre back.
At wing-back, we’ve gone and replaced Jason McAteer with Jordan Henderson. By God those boys can run. Run all day they can. Cos you’re training horses not footballers. Run like mad, receive the ball from your ageing captain (oh don't worry, that's coming) and slide it straight back to him. Ball retention that. Busquets. Joga Bonito. Receive, pass. Straight out of Total Football. A little too much time spent worrying about the hair, but nothing a good run can’t sweat out anyway. Fucking Jordan Henderson. Fuck right off.
And over at left win-back we’ve got Stig Inge Moreno. Lovely left peg. Just pure lovely. Scored one goal once and gets a hallpass for the rest of time. I’m not even sure which one I’m talking about now.
And then there's coup de grace. The ageing captain. John Barnes, Steven Gerrard. He was a player 8 year ago. Boy he was a player, used to own the ground, could do everything. Quick, let’s do an ‘All-Time Premier League 11’ so we can satisfy ourselves that this guy’s still a hero. Slow as fucking erosion, lots of hard pinged passes into feet, and quite a bit of finger pointing. Can whip a set piece though and apparently that can't be taught. But you can’t get the ball off him on the training ground they say. By the Barnes-ometer of ageing-captain-persisted-with-in-centre-midfield-cos-we’re-all-too-polite-to-call-it-like-it-is I reckon we’ve still got another 3 years of Gerrard getting lapped by Marouane Fellaini at centre mid. Remember these days cos you’ll tell your kids about them one day.
Jamie Redknapp meet Joe Allen. Joe Allen, Jamie Redknapp.
The McManaman role. Ably played by any one of the 400 built like a budgie’s hard on types that Rodgers has procured in the last 3 years. Taking the proverbial piss at home to Norwich when we’re 8-0 up, by fuck we’ve got the slender attacking mids for that sort of game. 1-0 down against Manchester United in a cup final or yesterday and we’ve got Phillipe Coutinho pinging them into touch. Hand up, apologies, didn’t mean that. I remember McManaman playing with his hands up too. The fucking bellend.
Stan Collymore. Mario Balotelli. This is getting too easy now. Is Rodgers actually trying to reincarnate the fucking white suits too while he’s at it? Surely Mario’s got up to a bit of lady-beating in his time too hasn’t he? The cunt couldn’t score with a golden dick, but he’s a character, and football needs more of those they say. Hopefully Mario gets a drive-home talkback radio platform too. We can hear all about the managers who never got the best out of him too.
And Sturridge is the 95 Robbie Fowler. Too good for this slop, too injured to care, but when he gets back and fully fit, then the 8 point gap to 4th place with 1 game in hand and Arsenal still have to go to Chelszzz……
I even could have done the whole Riedle/Lambert, Thomas/Lucas shit, but I’m boring myself with this now.
‘On our day we’re capable of beating anyone’. We’re in 9th place, and our fucking manager talks like Roy Hodgson and is regurgitating Roy Evans’ infamous 3-5-2 with the same wank players, and the same pure balls defence.
What a fucking nightmare.
We have managed to reincarnate Roy Evans!
It's a throwback to the good ole days of 3-5-2, shite signings, lazy marauds forward, and then getting totally dicked at the back. Heck we even had one quasi tilt at the title to reminisce about. All we need now is some wanky league cup run to get all Wembley about.
Rodgers and Evans even look alike. There's something English-teacher-meets-paedo about both of them too. Must be all the limp-wristed football, and far too clean hair they've got going on.
So in goal, we've got two fucking rubbish keepers mixing it out. The 1995 David James and Brad Friedel are countered by the 2014 Mignolet and Jones. Not one of the cunt's you'd pick for your 5-a-side team.
At centre back, we've replaced the chest-out, all teeth and slide tackling Neil Ruddock with the 2014 Martin Skrtel. Vicious slide tackles at Centre Back are the new black. Bobby Moore had no fucking clue what he was doing.
At right CB, we’ve got the somewhat reliable John Scales replaced with the somewhat reliable Kolo Toure. But it’s at left centre back that we get to relive the real face/off. The abominable Phil Babb wandering around dishing up buffet balls (come and have a go dear striker) to anyone whatsoever has ably been replaced by Dejan Lovren. Good old Dejan, I’d prefer to have Dreamy over for Christmas dinner than watch that abortion continue at left centre back.
At wing-back, we’ve gone and replaced Jason McAteer with Jordan Henderson. By God those boys can run. Run all day they can. Cos you’re training horses not footballers. Run like mad, receive the ball from your ageing captain (oh don't worry, that's coming) and slide it straight back to him. Ball retention that. Busquets. Joga Bonito. Receive, pass. Straight out of Total Football. A little too much time spent worrying about the hair, but nothing a good run can’t sweat out anyway. Fucking Jordan Henderson. Fuck right off.
And over at left win-back we’ve got Stig Inge Moreno. Lovely left peg. Just pure lovely. Scored one goal once and gets a hallpass for the rest of time. I’m not even sure which one I’m talking about now.
And then there's coup de grace. The ageing captain. John Barnes, Steven Gerrard. He was a player 8 year ago. Boy he was a player, used to own the ground, could do everything. Quick, let’s do an ‘All-Time Premier League 11’ so we can satisfy ourselves that this guy’s still a hero. Slow as fucking erosion, lots of hard pinged passes into feet, and quite a bit of finger pointing. Can whip a set piece though and apparently that can't be taught. But you can’t get the ball off him on the training ground they say. By the Barnes-ometer of ageing-captain-persisted-with-in-centre-midfield-cos-we’re-all-too-polite-to-call-it-like-it-is I reckon we’ve still got another 3 years of Gerrard getting lapped by Marouane Fellaini at centre mid. Remember these days cos you’ll tell your kids about them one day.
Jamie Redknapp meet Joe Allen. Joe Allen, Jamie Redknapp.
The McManaman role. Ably played by any one of the 400 built like a budgie’s hard on types that Rodgers has procured in the last 3 years. Taking the proverbial piss at home to Norwich when we’re 8-0 up, by fuck we’ve got the slender attacking mids for that sort of game. 1-0 down against Manchester United in a cup final or yesterday and we’ve got Phillipe Coutinho pinging them into touch. Hand up, apologies, didn’t mean that. I remember McManaman playing with his hands up too. The fucking bellend.
Stan Collymore. Mario Balotelli. This is getting too easy now. Is Rodgers actually trying to reincarnate the fucking white suits too while he’s at it? Surely Mario’s got up to a bit of lady-beating in his time too hasn’t he? The cunt couldn’t score with a golden dick, but he’s a character, and football needs more of those they say. Hopefully Mario gets a drive-home talkback radio platform too. We can hear all about the managers who never got the best out of him too.
And Sturridge is the 95 Robbie Fowler. Too good for this slop, too injured to care, but when he gets back and fully fit, then the 8 point gap to 4th place with 1 game in hand and Arsenal still have to go to Chelszzz……
I even could have done the whole Riedle/Lambert, Thomas/Lucas shit, but I’m boring myself with this now.
‘On our day we’re capable of beating anyone’. We’re in 9th place, and our fucking manager talks like Roy Hodgson and is regurgitating Roy Evans’ infamous 3-5-2 with the same wank players, and the same pure balls defence.
What a fucking nightmare.
