Hello and welcome to a new and occasional series of interviews with celebrity Liverpool fans, exclusive to 6CM. I’m joined in conversation today by The Right Honourable Michael Howard MP QC, former leader of the Conservative Party and a lifelong Liverpool fan I understand Mr Howard:
MH: Hello Leftpeg. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. Yes that’s right. I am, in one respect at least, an out and out red. I love Liverpool and as you’d expect from such a loyal supporter, I’m very knowledgeable about the club and its history.
LP: Tell us about your earliest memories of supporting Liverpool.
MH: Well, I think it was the colour of the shirts that first attracted me to Ann’s Field. That lovely, blood-like colour set against those throbbing necklines, as white as the driven snow they were. I always had a particular fondness for evening matches. After dark. I like that. I like to get out after dark.
LP: And who have been your favourite players over the years?
MH: Oh too many to mention. I always appreciated a strong, out and out, far right winger. The further to the right wing the better for me. Left wingers make by ruddy blood boil, you see. Bunch of soft cnuts.
LP: You’re being coy Mr Howard. There must be some players who have really stood out for you.
MH: Well now you’re pushing me Leftpeg. Don’t do that and you and I will get along just fine. Do you know what I’m saying? Good. That’s a nice necktie you’re wearing by the way. Do you mind if I take a closer look at the intricate stitching?
LP: Well perhaps later but for now, I’d really like you to tell us all about your favourite players.
LP: Mr Howard. Your favourite players. Mr Howard, you’re staring at me.
MH: Oh forgive me, I was just feeling a little thirsty for a moment. That really is a lovely necktie.
LP: Favourite players?
MH: Well there was, of course, Kevin Dalglish. Marvellous player. We breed them well in Wales you know. And the other who always impressed me was Ron Yeats. Or, Big, Big Ron as I used to call him.
LP: Yeats is a legend but sadly before my time. What was it about him that you particularly admired?
MH: His neck. White, muscular and yet, strangely vulnerable to attack. How I admired it from afar. I’d very much liked to have gotten to know him personally, but alas, I’ve never had that pleasure…
LP: Of course we all have memories of some wonderful games Mr Howard. Can you tell us about your particular favourites?
MH: I always enjoy a good blood and thunder battle with our closest neighbours, that lot along the road. Yes, matches against Derby really stand out in the memory for me. I can’t stand losing to those cnuts. I feel it like a dagger through the heart, which is not at all pleasurable, believe me.
LP: I understand you’re not just a football fan, but a bit of an all round sportsman.
MH: Oh yes, I enjoy nothing more than holding a bat in my hand. I like bats. I enjoy ping-pong. It keeps me fit you see. I like nothing more than coming home after a hard day’s work in the House of Commons bar and playing with my lovely wife Sandra. She always starts our games strongly, but as she tires over the ping-pong table, I can usually take her coming from behind. Although sometimes, I allow her to thrash me.
LP: You’ve mentioned your wife Sandra. A former model I believe. Is she domesticated as well as beautiful?
MH: Yes indeed. And she’s sneaky with it. Only last weekend she was preparing a light snack, just something for me to get my teeth into you know. Anyway, I asked for a cheese and pickle sandwich, not knowing we were right out of Branston. I didn’t mind though. After all, Sandra did palm me off with relish…
LP: Right, well back to the football. What do you think our prospects are for the remainder of the season?
MH: Well, I feel our manager, Ralph Bennett’s getting a lot of stick at the moment. He’s taking it in the neck. I’d like to give it to him in the neck. I think he should experiment with youth. I’ve always enjoyed experimenting with youth. I’m a firm believer in blooding them young. Yes, I’m very firm about that. Very firm indeed. In fact, I’m getting firmer. Nice necktie Leftpeg.
LP: Mr Howard, thank you very much indeed.
MH: Hello Leftpeg. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. Yes that’s right. I am, in one respect at least, an out and out red. I love Liverpool and as you’d expect from such a loyal supporter, I’m very knowledgeable about the club and its history.
LP: Tell us about your earliest memories of supporting Liverpool.
MH: Well, I think it was the colour of the shirts that first attracted me to Ann’s Field. That lovely, blood-like colour set against those throbbing necklines, as white as the driven snow they were. I always had a particular fondness for evening matches. After dark. I like that. I like to get out after dark.
LP: And who have been your favourite players over the years?
MH: Oh too many to mention. I always appreciated a strong, out and out, far right winger. The further to the right wing the better for me. Left wingers make by ruddy blood boil, you see. Bunch of soft cnuts.
LP: You’re being coy Mr Howard. There must be some players who have really stood out for you.
MH: Well now you’re pushing me Leftpeg. Don’t do that and you and I will get along just fine. Do you know what I’m saying? Good. That’s a nice necktie you’re wearing by the way. Do you mind if I take a closer look at the intricate stitching?
LP: Well perhaps later but for now, I’d really like you to tell us all about your favourite players.
LP: Mr Howard. Your favourite players. Mr Howard, you’re staring at me.
MH: Oh forgive me, I was just feeling a little thirsty for a moment. That really is a lovely necktie.
LP: Favourite players?
MH: Well there was, of course, Kevin Dalglish. Marvellous player. We breed them well in Wales you know. And the other who always impressed me was Ron Yeats. Or, Big, Big Ron as I used to call him.
LP: Yeats is a legend but sadly before my time. What was it about him that you particularly admired?
MH: His neck. White, muscular and yet, strangely vulnerable to attack. How I admired it from afar. I’d very much liked to have gotten to know him personally, but alas, I’ve never had that pleasure…
LP: Of course we all have memories of some wonderful games Mr Howard. Can you tell us about your particular favourites?
MH: I always enjoy a good blood and thunder battle with our closest neighbours, that lot along the road. Yes, matches against Derby really stand out in the memory for me. I can’t stand losing to those cnuts. I feel it like a dagger through the heart, which is not at all pleasurable, believe me.
LP: I understand you’re not just a football fan, but a bit of an all round sportsman.
MH: Oh yes, I enjoy nothing more than holding a bat in my hand. I like bats. I enjoy ping-pong. It keeps me fit you see. I like nothing more than coming home after a hard day’s work in the House of Commons bar and playing with my lovely wife Sandra. She always starts our games strongly, but as she tires over the ping-pong table, I can usually take her coming from behind. Although sometimes, I allow her to thrash me.
LP: You’ve mentioned your wife Sandra. A former model I believe. Is she domesticated as well as beautiful?
MH: Yes indeed. And she’s sneaky with it. Only last weekend she was preparing a light snack, just something for me to get my teeth into you know. Anyway, I asked for a cheese and pickle sandwich, not knowing we were right out of Branston. I didn’t mind though. After all, Sandra did palm me off with relish…
LP: Right, well back to the football. What do you think our prospects are for the remainder of the season?
MH: Well, I feel our manager, Ralph Bennett’s getting a lot of stick at the moment. He’s taking it in the neck. I’d like to give it to him in the neck. I think he should experiment with youth. I’ve always enjoyed experimenting with youth. I’m a firm believer in blooding them young. Yes, I’m very firm about that. Very firm indeed. In fact, I’m getting firmer. Nice necktie Leftpeg.
LP: Mr Howard, thank you very much indeed.
