Football is boring as fuck, I can't understand why I keep watching it, there's just this weird liverpool thing I can't shake off, but as a sport it's fucking crap.
1. The same few teams win everything EVERY FUCKING YEAR. How is that acceptable to people? You start every season knowing only 2 or 3 teams have a chance of winning, and it's pretty much the same teams all the time. it's so bad now that some mid table teams don't even play their best players away against the big teams. Fuck me. That's just not very interesting.
2. There are very few special players worth bothering your arse to see. Most of them are just fucking athletes with about as much ingenuity, technique and skill as I had when I was ten years old. But they're six foot, all muscle and can run like fuck for an hour and a half. To make it worse, these wankers are on thousands of pounds a week and are dickheads.
3. The shitheads who run the game, even (amazingly) the TV people, don't seem to value entertainment at all. Luis Suarez, for example, is fucking box office gold, a born entertainer, a true cartoon bad guy. His approach should be trumpeted from one stadium to another and palm fronds should be thrown in his path. But instead we get a lot of nonsense about "the good of the sport". Who are these dipsticks trying to turn football into cricket? I want to see comical violence in games. I want the players to punch and kick each other. I want to see mass brawls and testicles being grabbed. I want the players to behave so badly that I'm almost embarrassed to watch them. But no. Let's pretend it's a game of cricket in 1897 Shropshire with our wives eating fucking cucumber sandwiches under their parasols on the sidelines. Bollocks.
4. So having removed the elements of competitive unpredictability, of skill and ingenuity, of unabashed entertainment and showmanship, what's left? Oh I know, let's have shit officials and weirdly atavistic approaches to refereeing so that the game is basically unjust about 30% of the time too. Let's get 40,000 people into a stadium and millions watching on their TVs to watch a shit game and then, when someone finally scores a bloody goal, let's disallow it by accident because some fucking maths teacher from Grimsby thinks it was maybe offside a little but isn't really sure but what the hey? Yeah!! Let's have it so that entire countries can have their dreams in a world cup squashed because the officials didn't see the ball cross the line and aren't allowed to consult with TVs. Let's have dickhead players time waste and not have a proper way of counting the minutes wasted so that the thousands of people paying to watch can be effectively cheated out of seeing what they paid to see.