Just read all this and its the best thread I've read on 6-CM.
Respect to all who contributed.
Respect to all who contributed.
What do or did your parents do?
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[quote author=doctor_mac link=topic=9987.msg342630#msg342630 date=1187387139]
Just read all this and its the best thread I've read on 6-CM.
Respect to all who contributed.
[/quote]
It's great isn't it Doc. I'll have to give it another read.
Just read all this and its the best thread I've read on 6-CM.
Respect to all who contributed.
[/quote]
It's great isn't it Doc. I'll have to give it another read.
[quote author=Sheik Yerbouti link=topic=9987.msg342679#msg342679 date=1187392243]
[quote author=doctor_mac link=topic=9987.msg342630#msg342630 date=1187387139]
Just read all this and its the best thread I've read on 6-CM.
Respect to all who contributed.
[/quote]
It's great isn't it Doc. I'll have to give it another read.
[/quote]
Made me ponder my own relationship with the folks, as I think it did with everyone who read/participated in it.
[quote author=doctor_mac link=topic=9987.msg342630#msg342630 date=1187387139]
Just read all this and its the best thread I've read on 6-CM.
Respect to all who contributed.
[/quote]
It's great isn't it Doc. I'll have to give it another read.
[/quote]
Made me ponder my own relationship with the folks, as I think it did with everyone who read/participated in it.
A
aRdja
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I created this.
You know I have to hold my hand up in shame that I've only just read this thread. Awesome. I feel I should contribute, even though it's unlikely anyone will see it here in the vault.
Anyway. Mum was a clerical assistant for the NHS, now retired. Dad is a retired plumber and postman.
As for relationships with my parents probably two opposite ends of the spectrum. My mum is absolute saint. So full of love for people and is a bit of a party animal (I'm sure Sheik will agree). She's loving, warm and caring. She's always the first on the dance floor at any party and all my mates think she's ace (well you do when it's not your own mum don't you). But, to be honest, much as I moan and say "Mother, behave yourself, you're embarassing me". She doesn't. She is ace. I love her to bits and feel privileged to have a mother like her. It galls me sometimes to see the pain, anguish and emotional blackmail my bitch of a sister puts her through (I don't really talk to my sister anymore. I don't even like her as a person never mind love her like a sister. She's has anger issues)
As for my father our relationship is no more than what can be described as civil. He's never told me he loved me; he's never said he was proud of me and he's a completely closed book emotionally. I guess I put it down to him never knowing his father as his dad died after the war when my dad was still a baby. The thing is, that relationship will never change. He's real old school, non-emotional "men should be men" bullshit and the closest thing he gives out to a hug is a overly firm handshake. I'm fairly sure he loves me in his own way. He's worked his bollocks off to provide for us (especially during the Thatcher years when his soul was destroyed), sending me to a top school (where I met Sheik) and he's forever doing DIY jobs for me as he's great at it and I'm completely hopeless.
I look at some, if not most, of my mates who get on great with their fathers with envy. I see them laughing and joking, sharing things, acting like friends as well as fathers and sons. I see them having a drink one-on-one with their fathers which is something I've never done with mine and never will do. It's something I accept. I'm a fairly open book emotionally and very much like my mother. I don't understand the way he is but, as I say, I accept it. And I know the day he leaves this earth I'll have so much regret and will find it hard to truly mourn.
There is a positive to this though. It's made me adamant me and my son share the things that me and my father never had or will have. I want him to love me as a father and a friend and I sincerely hope he will. I'm going to show him things in this world, teach him to be open-minded and let him realise that there's so much out there in the world other than what is conventionally accepted. He'll be his own man and make his own decisions about his life - I'll ask nothing of him other than showing others respect. You know, most of all, there's no shame in a father and son sharing a pint, a hug or a kiss. Anyone who thinks otherwise is the worse off. My little boy started saying his first attempt at words yesterday. "Dadadadadada". Fantastic. Blew me away. Had tears in my eyes. Pissed the missus off something rotten as she carried him for 9 months and spends the majority of time with him.
And Brendan - I know I gave you a little bit of stick when you shared your father/son kiss thing on the forum but realise this - you're a luckier man than I am in the respect at least you have an emotional bond with a father whose not afraid to let you know he loves you whereas I will never have that. And I feel bad now after writing this that I ribbed you. Sorry.
You know I'm feeling a bit upset now. Honestly.
Anyway. Mum was a clerical assistant for the NHS, now retired. Dad is a retired plumber and postman.
As for relationships with my parents probably two opposite ends of the spectrum. My mum is absolute saint. So full of love for people and is a bit of a party animal (I'm sure Sheik will agree). She's loving, warm and caring. She's always the first on the dance floor at any party and all my mates think she's ace (well you do when it's not your own mum don't you). But, to be honest, much as I moan and say "Mother, behave yourself, you're embarassing me". She doesn't. She is ace. I love her to bits and feel privileged to have a mother like her. It galls me sometimes to see the pain, anguish and emotional blackmail my bitch of a sister puts her through (I don't really talk to my sister anymore. I don't even like her as a person never mind love her like a sister. She's has anger issues)
As for my father our relationship is no more than what can be described as civil. He's never told me he loved me; he's never said he was proud of me and he's a completely closed book emotionally. I guess I put it down to him never knowing his father as his dad died after the war when my dad was still a baby. The thing is, that relationship will never change. He's real old school, non-emotional "men should be men" bullshit and the closest thing he gives out to a hug is a overly firm handshake. I'm fairly sure he loves me in his own way. He's worked his bollocks off to provide for us (especially during the Thatcher years when his soul was destroyed), sending me to a top school (where I met Sheik) and he's forever doing DIY jobs for me as he's great at it and I'm completely hopeless.
I look at some, if not most, of my mates who get on great with their fathers with envy. I see them laughing and joking, sharing things, acting like friends as well as fathers and sons. I see them having a drink one-on-one with their fathers which is something I've never done with mine and never will do. It's something I accept. I'm a fairly open book emotionally and very much like my mother. I don't understand the way he is but, as I say, I accept it. And I know the day he leaves this earth I'll have so much regret and will find it hard to truly mourn.
There is a positive to this though. It's made me adamant me and my son share the things that me and my father never had or will have. I want him to love me as a father and a friend and I sincerely hope he will. I'm going to show him things in this world, teach him to be open-minded and let him realise that there's so much out there in the world other than what is conventionally accepted. He'll be his own man and make his own decisions about his life - I'll ask nothing of him other than showing others respect. You know, most of all, there's no shame in a father and son sharing a pint, a hug or a kiss. Anyone who thinks otherwise is the worse off. My little boy started saying his first attempt at words yesterday. "Dadadadadada". Fantastic. Blew me away. Had tears in my eyes. Pissed the missus off something rotten as she carried him for 9 months and spends the majority of time with him.
And Brendan - I know I gave you a little bit of stick when you shared your father/son kiss thing on the forum but realise this - you're a luckier man than I am in the respect at least you have an emotional bond with a father whose not afraid to let you know he loves you whereas I will never have that. And I feel bad now after writing this that I ribbed you. Sorry.
You know I'm feeling a bit upset now. Honestly.
Thats a terrific post Sunny. Lovely stuff. And dont worry, you can join me in the 'dads meh' club.
As i think i said in the thread. Be everything to your kids you felt you didnt get and everything that meant something from your parents and you'll do fine.
As i think i said in the thread. Be everything to your kids you felt you didnt get and everything that meant something from your parents and you'll do fine.
[quote author=Herr Onceared link=topic=9987.msg433554#msg433554 date=1197374572]
Thats a terrific post Sunny. Lovely stuff. And dont worry, you can join me in the 'dads meh' club.
As i think i said in the thread. Be everything to your kids you felt you didnt get and everything that meant something from your parents and you'll do fine.
[/quote]
I think, deep down, all dads are the same. For the most part, they all want better for their kids than what they had. I guess with my dad he had no benchmark so really didn't know where to start. Like you say though mate, it's just "Meh". It's something you grow to accept.
Thats a terrific post Sunny. Lovely stuff. And dont worry, you can join me in the 'dads meh' club.
As i think i said in the thread. Be everything to your kids you felt you didnt get and everything that meant something from your parents and you'll do fine.
[/quote]
I think, deep down, all dads are the same. For the most part, they all want better for their kids than what they had. I guess with my dad he had no benchmark so really didn't know where to start. Like you say though mate, it's just "Meh". It's something you grow to accept.
Good stuff Sunni.
My relationship with my Mum is similar to yours and the relationship with my Father is again, very similar.
Though I think my great relationship with my Mum is down to me living with her for 19 of my 21 years on this planet, whilst I have only lived with my Father for about 5 or 6.
I have grown to accept a few things about my Father and I'm only 21 haha...
My relationship with my Mum is similar to yours and the relationship with my Father is again, very similar.
Though I think my great relationship with my Mum is down to me living with her for 19 of my 21 years on this planet, whilst I have only lived with my Father for about 5 or 6.
I have grown to accept a few things about my Father and I'm only 21 haha...
[quote author='Dave' link=topic=9987.msg433627#msg433627 date=1197377628]
Good stuff Sunni.
My relationship with my Mum is similar to yours and the relationship with my Father is again, very similar.
Though I think my great relationship with my Mum is down to me living with her for 19 of my 21 years on this planet, whilst I have only lived with my Father for about 5 or 6.
I have grown to accept a few things about my Father and I'm only 21 haha...
[/quote]
Yeh Dave it was about that age I grew to realise the way things were going to be. I left home when I was 18 as well. Near enough to 19 anyway. I'm not complaining about my life though. Material and incosequential things aside, I have a wife and kid who love me very much and I love back very much. I have the best bunch of friends one could hope for and we've remained friends for 20 years+. So things are not too shabby at all. I'm very happy.
Good stuff Sunni.
My relationship with my Mum is similar to yours and the relationship with my Father is again, very similar.
Though I think my great relationship with my Mum is down to me living with her for 19 of my 21 years on this planet, whilst I have only lived with my Father for about 5 or 6.
I have grown to accept a few things about my Father and I'm only 21 haha...
[/quote]
Yeh Dave it was about that age I grew to realise the way things were going to be. I left home when I was 18 as well. Near enough to 19 anyway. I'm not complaining about my life though. Material and incosequential things aside, I have a wife and kid who love me very much and I love back very much. I have the best bunch of friends one could hope for and we've remained friends for 20 years+. So things are not too shabby at all. I'm very happy.
[quote author=Sunny link=topic=9987.msg433651#msg433651 date=1197378286]
I'm not complaining about my life though. Material and incosequential things aside, I have a wife and kid who love me very much and I love back very much. I have the best bunch of friends one could hope for and we've remained friends for 20 years+. So things are not too shabby at all. I'm very happy.
[/quote]
Good on ya mate.
I'm not complaining about my life though. Material and incosequential things aside, I have a wife and kid who love me very much and I love back very much. I have the best bunch of friends one could hope for and we've remained friends for 20 years+. So things are not too shabby at all. I'm very happy.
[/quote]
Good on ya mate.
[quote author=Ijg link=topic=9987.msg434108#msg434108 date=1197396459]
Amazing post Sunny, I have a similarish relationship with my dad, it was amazing, this thread is so emotionally charged its brilliant.
[/quote]
Well don't let it worry you too much IJ. You're embarking on your own adulthood now and will be able to make your own life decisions. I sincerely think that you're an honest, caring and decent human being. I think you're father will be very proud of you even though he doesn't know how to show it.
Amazing post Sunny, I have a similarish relationship with my dad, it was amazing, this thread is so emotionally charged its brilliant.
[/quote]
Well don't let it worry you too much IJ. You're embarking on your own adulthood now and will be able to make your own life decisions. I sincerely think that you're an honest, caring and decent human being. I think you're father will be very proud of you even though he doesn't know how to show it.
[quote author=Sunny link=topic=9987.msg434504#msg434504 date=1197408789]
[quote author=Ijg link=topic=9987.msg434108#msg434108 date=1197396459]
Amazing post Sunny, I have a similarish relationship with my dad, it was amazing, this thread is so emotionally charged its brilliant.
[/quote]
Well don't let it worry you too much IJ. You're embarking on your own adulthood now and will be able to make your own life decisions. I sincerely think that you're an honest, caring and decent human being. I think you're father will be very proud of you even though he doesn't know how to show it.[/quote]
This part almost made me cry, cause as much as I want to believe this, I very very much doubt it, either of my parents or my family are proud of anything about me.
[quote author=Ijg link=topic=9987.msg434108#msg434108 date=1197396459]
Amazing post Sunny, I have a similarish relationship with my dad, it was amazing, this thread is so emotionally charged its brilliant.
[/quote]
Well don't let it worry you too much IJ. You're embarking on your own adulthood now and will be able to make your own life decisions. I sincerely think that you're an honest, caring and decent human being. I think you're father will be very proud of you even though he doesn't know how to show it.[/quote]
This part almost made me cry, cause as much as I want to believe this, I very very much doubt it, either of my parents or my family are proud of anything about me.
I think you might be surprised; parents often seem to not care but they do.
Living your life as well as you can is sometimews all that they ask for; and you've started well; you're a Red 8)
My Dad loves me, but can't show it.
It's something I'm used to.I'm not going to have that kind of relationship with my kds, and I plan to be more open with them.But I'm under no mistaken belief that I've had anything other than a fantastic Dad who did his best to raise me and my brother as best he could practically alone (my Mum has been ill for many years).
I remember times when my Dad would barely eat because he was saving the best morsels for the rest of us; he always went without when it came down to choosing him or us.The same old clothes because he was saving for our books and school uniforms...
He's always supported me, even when he didn't agree with it.
There are lots of things I'd like to add,but it'd take too long..
I talk about how I'm going to be 'different', right?....Truth of the matter is, my kids will be lucky if I'm half the Dad my father is.
Do I resent being slightly closed emotionally with my Dad?...A little,but I think showing he loves me is more important than telling me he loves me....I'd loved to have been hugged and kissed while I was young to show that he loved me, but I also remember being sped off to hospital with appendicitis once...he was with me all the time, I went in at 2am for my operation an he was awake,the next thing I remember was waking sometime in the morning and he was still there sitting in an easy chair which he had scrounged up from somewhere..I think he got at most 3 hours of sleep in tha 2 and a half days while I was recovering..the only time he left my side was to go to the cafeteria for a few minutes for his lunch and dinner.
These things may not compare with much of the sacrifices seen on this thread, and I salute your parents...
But it meant a lot to me.
I have a great Dad.
Living your life as well as you can is sometimews all that they ask for; and you've started well; you're a Red 8)
My Dad loves me, but can't show it.
It's something I'm used to.I'm not going to have that kind of relationship with my kds, and I plan to be more open with them.But I'm under no mistaken belief that I've had anything other than a fantastic Dad who did his best to raise me and my brother as best he could practically alone (my Mum has been ill for many years).
I remember times when my Dad would barely eat because he was saving the best morsels for the rest of us; he always went without when it came down to choosing him or us.The same old clothes because he was saving for our books and school uniforms...
He's always supported me, even when he didn't agree with it.
There are lots of things I'd like to add,but it'd take too long..
I talk about how I'm going to be 'different', right?....Truth of the matter is, my kids will be lucky if I'm half the Dad my father is.
Do I resent being slightly closed emotionally with my Dad?...A little,but I think showing he loves me is more important than telling me he loves me....I'd loved to have been hugged and kissed while I was young to show that he loved me, but I also remember being sped off to hospital with appendicitis once...he was with me all the time, I went in at 2am for my operation an he was awake,the next thing I remember was waking sometime in the morning and he was still there sitting in an easy chair which he had scrounged up from somewhere..I think he got at most 3 hours of sleep in tha 2 and a half days while I was recovering..the only time he left my side was to go to the cafeteria for a few minutes for his lunch and dinner.
These things may not compare with much of the sacrifices seen on this thread, and I salute your parents...
But it meant a lot to me.
I have a great Dad.
I think a lot of men - especially ones from our dad's era - are perhaps slightly emotionally retarded.
I seem to remember I said in my post in this thread (can't be arsed looking for it) that it was years and years before I realised my Dad loved me, and it was because his expression wasn't in an overtly emotional "Son, I really love you and I'm proud of you" kind of way like my Mum would, but rather that he'd work his arse off to provide a good future for us kids.
I suppose sometimes it really is a case of actions speaking louder than words.
I think as a generalisation Dad's probably can be quite critical at times - partly because they want you to step up and be a man, but also because they probably see you making the same mistakes as they did when they were younger and want to steer you away from that path (without actually admitting the mistakes they made and showing weakness when they should be setting an example for you to follow).
Ultimately I think men in general have difficulty truly expressing themselves and allowing themselves the true spectrum of emotions, but it seems to be changing for the better
I seem to remember I said in my post in this thread (can't be arsed looking for it) that it was years and years before I realised my Dad loved me, and it was because his expression wasn't in an overtly emotional "Son, I really love you and I'm proud of you" kind of way like my Mum would, but rather that he'd work his arse off to provide a good future for us kids.
I suppose sometimes it really is a case of actions speaking louder than words.
I think as a generalisation Dad's probably can be quite critical at times - partly because they want you to step up and be a man, but also because they probably see you making the same mistakes as they did when they were younger and want to steer you away from that path (without actually admitting the mistakes they made and showing weakness when they should be setting an example for you to follow).
Ultimately I think men in general have difficulty truly expressing themselves and allowing themselves the true spectrum of emotions, but it seems to be changing for the better
My dad is the forman of the quality control section for the company we both work for ( he got me the job )
Mam used to work for a company called tuffs ( made the armys boots etc etc ) now she's a lollypop lady ( the correct term is school crossing assisant )
from the age of 16 when I started to get served in pubs, me and the oldman just did'nt get along, dont do this, dont do that, in by a certain time etc etc..........then he got me a job in bottcher uk and to top it all he was also my boss there >
from the age of 17 to 19 we hardly spoke and also I was'nt helping matters by taking his car and crashing it, he came home early from a weekend away and caught me shagging some bird in his bed and drinking a bottle of whisky and ending up in A+E having my guts pumped, I could go on ;D but the best thing i've ever done was move out and since then we get on great, also the birth of my daughter had a massive effect on him, he just seemed to be a different bloke around/with me
My mam was brilliant, done everything for me, Did'nt iron my first pair of jeans till I was 18.
Mam used to work for a company called tuffs ( made the armys boots etc etc ) now she's a lollypop lady ( the correct term is school crossing assisant )
from the age of 16 when I started to get served in pubs, me and the oldman just did'nt get along, dont do this, dont do that, in by a certain time etc etc..........then he got me a job in bottcher uk and to top it all he was also my boss there >
from the age of 17 to 19 we hardly spoke and also I was'nt helping matters by taking his car and crashing it, he came home early from a weekend away and caught me shagging some bird in his bed and drinking a bottle of whisky and ending up in A+E having my guts pumped, I could go on ;D but the best thing i've ever done was move out and since then we get on great, also the birth of my daughter had a massive effect on him, he just seemed to be a different bloke around/with me
My mam was brilliant, done everything for me, Did'nt iron my first pair of jeans till I was 18.
