Next season the "Man of the Match" is being retired and replaced with "MVP".
The Premier League is being re branded as the World Series of English Soccer
Matches will be played in 4 quarters, and the taking of free kicks will be delayed by 60 seconds to allow for TV commercial breaks, this will happen every free kick regardless of how soon after the previous one they occur.
There will be cheer leaders; there will be half time musical performances by talentless supermodels
The post match analysis by the Sky pundits will mostly be around which half time commercial was the most impactful
DB will be elected the new Queen of England, declare both global warming and COVID myths and turn bright orange